December 26, 2007

dear creepy noises upstairs in this damn house, could you stop it already? it really sounds like there’s someone up there, but i’m too much of a puss to check it out. i’m not even 5’5″! what the fuck am i going to do if there really is someone up there? dial 911 and run screaming from the house, allowing you to complete your plunder of this lovely place uninhibited? i’d rather pretend i can’t hear you at all, creepy noises, instead of admitting your existence and thus having to acknowledge the need for me to check you out. maybe it’s just the dog snoring! yeah, that’s it! zoey, the 10 lb, 78-year-old lhasa apso snoring so loudly and step-soundingly that i am led to think there’s someone in the house (whose door i forgot to lock after said dog’s walk, of course. come on in, criminals! here’s my social security number, while you’re at it!).  just don’t rape me or take my macbook, please– I haven’t even paid this damn thing off yet. the rest is all yours.scaredly,scrappy 


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